Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
