I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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