i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
