I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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