You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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