then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
