I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
