Betty ford says i'm here all night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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