I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
