I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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