shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
