I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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