I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize