Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
