i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
