The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
