I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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