I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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