Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
