well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
