that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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