Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
