my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
