are you so shy because you have an std?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
