you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
