Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
