I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its not stalking. its research.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
