he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need to sanitize my soul.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
