porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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