he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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