I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
