Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize