Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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