we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
