Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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