some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
