We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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