last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
