Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
