i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
