My friends, they love my intelligence
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
NoShamevember. You game?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
