Me too!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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