Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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