So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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