im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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