i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
