Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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