if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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