What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
