WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
