Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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