i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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