My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
