ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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