Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
