so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
