You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is my gift to your gina
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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