her vagine was all disorganized.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
