there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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