there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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