He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
