I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
