**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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