So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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