If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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