I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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